Cock Smugglers

Jenaveve Jolie is so hot that this really doesn’t require any explanation. Instead, here’s a story for you motherfuckers:

Dicksucking bears an uncanny resemblance to piloting a wormhole-jumping spaceship. In a ship with a realistic wormhole-jumping configuration, the pilot must be prepared to bust through the event horizon of the phenomenon while accounting for a variety of factors so that he may endure the massive gravitational effects and live to tell the tale. In fact, there are several wormhole-ship captains who could tell you anecdotes consisting of variations on the above. One captain in particular is Timothy Longdong. Mr. Longdong is not only an accomplished and decorated veteran explorer of the gamma quadrant, but is also the proud owner of a long dick, the likes of which have explored more than a few earthling (and non-earthling!) females! The latter is referred to as ‘Rishathra’ by the non-fiction historical author Larry Niven. Anyway, Commander Longdong is on day 389 of an exploration to find new latinum mines for the Federation. Of course, his search is going nowhere and he would be a very bored captain—were it not for his smoking hot earthling copilot Cox Ucker. What follows is a little tale, an experience the captain had recently.

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“Cox, what’s our heading?” 

“Bearing 235 mark 4, Captain.”

“Very good, Cox. How do the Bussard collectors read? Are they within spec?”‘

“Yes Captain, all within spec.”

“Good to hear, Cox. You know, you’ve been an essential part of this vessel since the start of your tenure. It’s good to have someone like you here on the ship, Cox. Things would get awfully lonely otherwise.”

“I feel likewise, Sir. Say, we received another health bulletin from earth the other week, and there was a particular part that I felt was relevant to our situation…”

“Really? Tell me more, Cox. Give me the executive summary. You know how impatient I get with these longwinded manuscripts.”

“Of course. The article begins with a brief bullet-point list outlining the dangers of accumulated stress. A paragraph below expounds on these dangers.”

“What sort of dangers are we talking about, Cox?”

“Dangers of a very grave nature, Captain. Below the paragraph is a graph showing a positive correlation between time spent celibate and inclination toward homicide.”

“Well Cox, I wouldn’t want either of us to end up dead. Is there a solution proposed?”

“As a matter of fact there is, Captain. I must give you a blowjob, the likes of which you have never experienced.”

Silence filled the cabin for thirty seconds, then a minute. Somewhere after the point when a normal person would get uncomfortable holding their breath, the captain issued a cough.

“No one will know, Cox. Is this understood?”

“Yes, Captain. Now, remove your striped military trousers and allow me to fulfill you.”

“Yes, Cox. Fulfill me.”

Cox’s tongue danced all over the Captain’s shaft, and even though he had been masturbating upwards of two or three time a day for the past year he had to exert an uncomfortable amount of effort to hold onto his seed…

“Oh, Cox! I don’t think I can hold on for much longer!”

“Ok, Captain. Would you prefer me to spit or swallow?”

“I want my load inside you, Cox. Swallow my cum.”

“As you wish, sir.”

At the very moment that climax was initiated, a blaring klaxon siren issued from the com panel.

“Shit!”

The captain groaned as he relased his load into Cox’s mouth while simultaneously swiveling around to face com. 

“What’s it read, sir?”

But she knew the answer. Before Longdong could answer, an alien warship de-cloaked right in front of their viewscreen.

Just as the captain’s mouth began to form the first sound in “fuck,” the warship issued a massive energy blast which destroyed the wormhole-ship whole. Nobody would ever know about the epic cocksucking of Timothy Longdong.

Nobody but you, dear reader.

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